Sunday, April 26, 2009

identity

I think every mom goes through this. At least I hope every mom does... because then it makes me normal.

I'm having a bit of an identity crisis. Nothing major. Just a small one.

You see when I lived in Oklahoma everyone there knew me as more than (just a) mom. They knew me as the hard working Human Resources Benefits Administrator or the hard working part-time HR Assistant (remember that short time I actually went back to work part-time?) or the part-time preschool teacher (remember the semester I worked at Grace's preschool?).

But here in Texas, I'm just mom (aka Lisa).

Now by no means don't get me wrong I love being mom to Grace and Emma. I love waking up each morning knowing my job is to teach, love, have fun and instill values that will guide them into adulthood. I would never trade my job for the world.

But lately I've been missing work. You know the adult interaction, the rush of a deadline (other than nap time) and the paycheck :)

I know I don't want to work at a real paying job right now. I know I want to be home.

Some days I even wish I was already back to work. Others I think I'm crazy for wishing my girls childhood away.

Last night Adam and I went to a wedding. It was beautiful. At the wedding we ran into Adam's 4th grade teacher and she asked me if I was staying home. I said yes. She then proceeded to tell me to enjoy every minute because you have the rest of your life to work. I've heard this many times before, but I think I needed to hear it again. I'm sure I will need to hear again in the future as well. I'm only human right.

I've also been thinking a lot lately about when I do go back (you know in like 5 or 6 years) what I'll do. As much as I love HR I don't know that I could back to the long days and only 2 weeks vacation a year. I've thought a lot about teaching. I was actually an elementary ed major until my junior year. I changed b/c I felt like with education that was all I could do... teach. But which my degree I got... Communication and a business minor I felt I had more options and I could always go back. While I wont say I regret that decision, I often think of what my life might be like if I had not changed.

Who knows if I'll ever get that teaching certification or whether or I'll even up back in the business world... but one thing I do know (despite the minor crisis) is I wouldn't trade my current job for any other one.

Even if it means no vacations, no sick days, the lack of pay (HA!), no company perks, no raises or bonuses, and having to report to 2 bosses that sometimes are quite demanding... I'll take it. I'll have my time to work again.

For now, I'll be thankful I even have the identity of mom. God has truly blessed us.

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And since every post is better with a picture... check out these pictures... my sweet friend Megan snapped them this weekend. Not sur what is up with the faces Emma was making, but we managed to get several good ones and even a couple cute family pics! Thanks again Megan!

8 comments:

The Lada Family said...

Great photos! Emma has got some faces that's for sure!
and about the identity crisis... I HEAR ya. I don't know what to call myself... full-time mom, part-time worker, self employed, I have a boss, I'm old, I'm young, I don't know where home is... don't know where home will be tomorrow... OMG! I shouldn't get that ball rolling... it's 10pm and I need to sleep sometime tonight.

The Lada Family said...

photo 25 - you and emma look so much alike and grace and adam look so much alike!

Colleen said...

Oh lisa! No matter what job you have, the identity crisis will come. I often forget the fact that I have a first name. When/if you go back to work, you will just trade one crisis for another.

I do not know how parents do it with the no vacation or sick days, but look at it this way...you are paid in hugs and slobbery kisses, your company perks are days at the park when they conquer a new skill, your raise is when Emma starts to talk, looks at you and says, "I love you, mama", your bonuses are drawings that only you know what they are depicting, and those smiles and uncontrollable laughter in the middle of the day that no one has any idea what they are all about.

It is all important. It all matters. On behalf of their future teachers, thanks for enjoying it and being great at it!!

L&B said...

I have no advice on being a mom, but I do know what it's like to have your mom as your teacher. And I loved it. I loved that my mom was able to take off and stay home with me when I was sick, that she was able to have a summer vacation with me.And she was still able to run me around and be very involved in my life.
And I loved her writing me notes to skip lunch, or sociology. But the latter two were just perks when I got to high school...

hyperactive lu said...

Those pics are great!!! And the family pics are awesome!!!

I also have days when I think....do I want to work again? Having something "under my belt" besides the title of Mommy...but it always goes back to working and being a mommy and I know I don't want to do that. I know you're not alone... working with MOPS has helped a lot. I can still get my hands dirty with the money stuff and get my organizational/leadership "juices" flowing with MOPS and then I can still be a mommy when they wake up from their nap or whatever... I guess its good..I just don't get paid! :)

cassi rash said...

You're family is absolutely beautiful! Those are some great shots! I know I can't give advice on the mom front, but I've always been very career driven and Marty and I talk a lot about how we'll handle the work situation when we have kids. I think teaching is a great option because of the amount of time you get off and your schedule is the same as your kiddos.

Michelle said...

Just always remember how lucky we are to be the main influence on our children. That is what is the most important thing to me. I want to raise my children myself, and I am so blessed that I able to do that for now. Maybe you could find something part time to work on from home...? Just an idea it could give you something to do in the spare time and a little paycheck too? Or you could just have another baby..Ha!

Niki said...

I was just telling this to someone the other day, I am these days just known as Wally's wife, Brayden &/or Alex's mom, or just mom. I so know how you are feeling, but wouldn't change it. Hang in there! Love your blog, BTW!